14/15 Fantasy Premier League: Week 5 Recap

He's back.

He’s back.

That’s more like it.

After a poor week of football, Arsenal (@Arsenal) got back on track with a dominant 0-3 victory at Villa Park.

Answering his critics, Mesut Özil (@MesutOzil1088) arrived on the pitch with what was arguably his best performance of the calendar year.

This is the type of performance that Gooners regularly expect of their £42M man and he will hopefully continue to be deployed in his preferred position through the middle.

Although chances were going each way, Arsenal looked shaky to start, failing to hit the target from several choice opportunities.

It took a massive save from Wojciech Szczęsny (@13Szczesny13) on a Ciaran Clark (@C_Clark_6) header from close range to awaken the visiting side.

Shortly thereafter, the Gunners would net three goals in just a little over three minutes time.

Özil and new arrival Danny Welbeck each scored their first goals of the season while also assisting on each other’s markers.

An own goal from Aly Cissokho would seal the scoreline.

It was a great weekend of football in terms of results.

The quality was even better.

Liverpool (@LFC), Everton (@Everton), Tottenham (@SpursOfficial), and Manchester United (@ManUtd) each completed their fixtures without earning a point while Frank Lampard put away a late Man City (@MCFC) equaliser against his former side Chelsea (@chelseafc) for a storybook finish at the Etihad.

The United match against Leicester City (@OfficialFOXES) may be the game of the season thus far as the scrappy affair saw the Foxes claim a 5-3 victory after trailing 1-3 at the half.

o fux.

o fux.

In any case, it was just about a perfect weekend for those of you who understand that LONDON IS RED.



It’s fantasy time, baby.

*     *     *     *     *



Overall Points: 266

Global: 237,170 (Last week: 130,436)
Fans of Arsenal: 11,725 (Last week: 6,158)
Canada: 2,278 (Last week: 1,236)

Private League I: 3/9 (8 points out of 1st)
Private League II: 5/13 (10 points out of 1st)
Private League III: 1/3 (47 points clear)

*     *     *     *     *



Total Points: 498

Global: ???
Fans of Arsenal: ???

Private League I: 2 / 6 (2 points out of 1st)

*     *     *     *     *

Two season firsts for me this weekend:

  1. Finished below 50 gameweek points for the first time in the official game.
  2. Finished below 100 gameweek points for the first time in the Yahoo! game.
* Upon further inspection, I had forgotten that I finished week 1 in Yahoo! with 88 pts. Apologies.

Whenever I have an above-average weekend in fantasy, Murphy starts bashing me over the head with his rule of law and I typically come back down to Earth after the next set of fixtures.

It is always disappointing but I think a lot of managers struggled given the lackluster performances from the majority of the top teams.

In the Yahoo! game, investing in Spurs players definitely backfired on me.

Thankfully, Thibaut Courtois (@thibautcourtois) didn’t have his best game so I was able to swap him back in with little change to the discount I was originally holding him at.

Alexis Sánchez (@Alexis_Sanchez) was removed from the Arsenal XI at the last minute which brought in Martin Kelly (@MartinKelly1990) as my fantasy auto-sub. He did me well by putting up an assist as well as some much-needed phantom points.

I am averaging a touch less than 100pts/week in the Yahoo! game which is currently good enough to place me within the 99th percentile.

Oh, one more thing about Yahoo! and their incompetence: aside from the fact that I am STILL WAITING ON MY PREMIERSHIP TROPHIES FROM LAST SEASON, now they somehow managed to auto-opt me into their La Liga fantasy game.

First of all, I don’t watch La Liga so this wasn’t some accident on my part – I only noticed it by checking to see if my trophies from last year had arrived!

I contacted their support and as usual, they spit out some variation of the same answer: “Our engineers are aware of the problem and are working to fix it. There is no timeline for resolution”.

Fucking bullshit.

Despite having zero players in this fake XI that I am only associated with by name, I somehow sit in the 57th overall percentile.

This leads me to believe I am not the only one who started playing this game without realizing it.


The official game was a bit of a disaster.

31 points is a pathetic tally for the week.

I knew captaining Diego Costa was a slight risk but I was unable to foresee a suitable alternative.

It sort of feels like he will be this year’s Luis Suárez (@LuisSuarez9) in that he will always make you worry about what you could be missing out on if you don’t captain him.

I definitely would not have considering giving the armband to a defensive player but my backline is where the majority of my points came from.

In fact, I left Jose Fonte on the bench and it is always a piss off to miss out on clean sheets, not to mention bonus points.

For the most part, my decisions have been sound so I can’t be too hard on myself. But the bench sure does complicate things.

I decided not to use a free transfer in gameweek 5 and perhaps that came back to bite me a little.

However, Coutinho (@Phil_Coutinho) has been rotting in my squad for weeks now and with two FTs saved up, I was finally able to rid myself of him before he loses even more of his value.

I really wanted (needed) to get Ángel Di María into my side but I had to sell Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) to free up the funds in order to do so.

So after upgrading my midfield, I replaced Wazza up top with Graziano Pellè (@GPelle19) who will hopefully continue with his devastating form.

The transfers left me with £1.9M in the bank which will be dedicated towards upgrading Yaya Sanogo (@Yayasanogoal22) as soon as possible.

What I originally thought would be a shrewd bench addition is looking to be increasingly irrelevant – at this point, with Welbeck in, Theo Walcott (@theowalcott) on the verge of returning, and Olivier Giroud (@_OlivierGiroud_) due back in the new year, I’m not sure we will even see Sanogo coming back into the squad this season.

The always affable Lukas Podolski (@Podolski10) is hoping to fight his way back into the XI.

And don’t forget, Joel Campbell (@joel_campbell12) waits in the wings.

Anyway, there is your early glimpse into my official team for gameweek 6.

Before signing off, surely many of you have heard about how Gervinho (@GervinhOfficial) is bossing it up in Roma (@OfficialASRoma) since leaving the Arsenal.

While I respect him for avoiding the Rooney highway to hairplugs, I do hope he never removes the headband again. Like, ever.


Jesus Christ.

I can say without hesitation that I would have a very difficult time coping with massive hair loss.

But I’m not tryna look like Devin Townsend (@dvntownsend), either.


Gervinho’s lost brother in metal

Shave it, bro.

PS. The 2022 World Cup WILL NOT be Held in Qatar. This is good news for everyone.

How did you make out in Gameweek 5???


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